I startled awake, shooting up hard enough to slam my head into the ceiling. The car spun and tires squealed against the pavement, throwing me back against the seat as a stream of obscenities poured from Rod’s mouth, some Terran and some not. Layla screamed and plastered herself to the window as Rod course-corrected, half-turning and scream-asking what was wrong. I was too busy grabbing my forehead with a groan, swimming through a blink of pain that was already subsiding. Blinking rapidly as I struggled to sit up, I grumbled something about ‘bad dream’ and ‘where are we’ which came out more like ‘dream where bad we are’. Rod managed to pull over and turned in his seat, staring at me. I squinted back at him through my one open eye and waited.
Layla paused, looking back and forth between us, clearly wanting to say something but wisely sensing the tension in the air and keeping it to herself.
To be honest, I wasn’t quite sure why there was tension. But his pensive stare made me return with an open dare to try whatever the hell it was he was thinking and see what happened.
His eyes narrowed. My eye repeated the gesture. He waited. I said nothing. Eventually he let out a pent-up sigh and spun around. He muttered something about being lucky we didn’t hit anything, then said louder, “we’ve gone as far as the road will take us. Time to walk.”
Layla gratefully kicked open the door and took a few steps away, trying either give us space or smell the air or something. I followed, kicking the door closed behind me. Apparently I was still tense, as reflected in the metal buckling in its frame because of it.
Rod had already nearly disappeared, his steps fading between a small line of trees. I followed with Layla, going more by the sound of his footsteps crunching leaves than anything else. He was going down a small footpath, wide enough for a small car or a few bikes side-to-side. It was well-hidden, dusted with leaves and guarded by trees, whose branches reached out just enough to provide gentle resistance to passersby. The moon above was filtered, the light flitting in and out of the trees in small beams, filtered more and more as we followed the path.
“So,” Layla said, voiced subdued, “Rod told me you don’t sleep much.”
I shook my head. Kept my eyes forward. “Not much.”
She nodded, watching the ground as we walked. “I don’t…I haven’t slept much either. I can’t really, until I get exhausted and have to. Even then, I don’t…” her voice faded off for a moment. She kept her eyes on the ground. I found her confession odd, if for nothing else than it seemed like she had spent half the time I had known her asleep. She took a breath. “It’s…it’s hard, you know? Sleeping. It just…somehow doesn’t feel right ever since he– ever since my father…” she trailed off again. Glanced up at me. I kept my eyes up and forward, listening for Rod’s leading steps and keeping part of my awareness out in the trees.
She took a breath. Geared up her courage for whatever was next. “Rod told me,” she said uneasily, “that you…that you lost someone?”
“Rod,” I said flatly, “is a liar.”
Her face fell, sadness quickly diverted by confusion. “Yet…you trust him.”
“He’s a liar I can trust,” I said simply. I wasn’t about to go into the details of our relationship, about how I had saved him and he had saved me and we entered into a sort of mutual frenimies territory. I wasn’t about to tell her that it went deeper, that we were both aware of each other’s depression and trauma, and what we had done for, with, and to each other to drag the other out.
She gave me a flat look. “As simple as that, huh?”
“And just as complicated.”
She hesitated, slowing her step and forcing me to a hesitant stop, turning to look at her. Her chin was up again, back straight and feet planted, but her twiddling, nervous hands gave her away. She took another deep breath. “Look,” she said evenly as she could, “I’ve…trusted you, you and him, up to this point. I told you what I’m after and why I’m after it. And I told you, specifically, what I am. I want to trust that you’re what you seem, but…”
I gave a soft roll of my eyes. “But me saving your ass hasn’t given you enough incentive?”
She blushed again, blue-purple color flooding her nose bridge. “Look, I’m not trying to be nosy, but I’d like more information about my captors, if you don’t mind!!”
I laughed. Captors, was it? Meh, she was feeling foolish for being vulnerable. For asking. And my comment was a little…well, I didn’t need to say it out loud to think it. I listened for a moment, still able to hear Rod. He was still, footsteps stalled, but was talking. There was no answer, so likely he was talking to himself.
I nodded and gestured for her to follow. “Fine,” I said, continuing to walk, “I’ll work on a trade basis. With the right of refusal.”
She trotted to catch up, eyebrow raised with a frown. “Huh?”
“I’ll answer your questions if you answer mine. And ‘I won’t answer that’ counts as an answer. Deal?” She nodded. I nodded back. “You wanted answers, you start.”
She puffed her cheeks out in a breath. “Who’d you lose?”
“I don’t want to answer that.”
“Olyvia!!”
I shrugged. “It counts.”
“Then…I get another one. Why are you…why are you risking yourself for me?”
“Easy. I told Daruis I’d keep you safe until I could hand you off.”
“And that’s it?”
“That’s two questions. I get one now.” She crumpled her face into a frown and looked away, but didn’t argue. “Why are you really after revenge?”
She shot a stare at me. Looked away. “I told you already. Someone killed him. I want to kill them.”
“Yeah, but lots of fathers die. Not a lot of daughters seek revenge.”
She shook her head. Screwed her mouth and eyes shut for a moment. I was pretty sure that was the end of the game when she spoke again.
“I can’t…seem to let it go. For the first few years after he died, I could sleep if the conditions were right. I’d dream about things…and only once in a while dream about the night he was killed. Then the dreams started coming more frequently. My uncle offered to help, but I didn’t want him poking around my head. I worked with some other family to help quiet them, and it worked. But again, it was only for a little while. One night I had the nightmare and…I think it unlocked something. That was the first night I woke up with…” she hesitated, pausing to gulp down some emotions. Shook her head.
“It was the first night you transformed.”
She nodded. “After that, they were going to hold me down. Force the dreams to an end. I still didn’t want them poking around, so I ran away. I thought after that…I thought if my transformations were connected to my nightmares, and my nightmares were because I couldn’t put the night to rest…I’d put it to rest myself. Force it to rest.”
I nodded. Revenge in the hope that blood brings internal peace. That was…not uncommon, really. Not for me and my kind. Back home there was even a ritual designed around revenge, usually to make sure the fight was earned and the resolution was honored. Mostly it was to keep sudden revenge-killings to a minimum and maintain order. Rule one in the tradition was that you were not allowed to call for the death of another so long as you were emotional about death. Passionate destruction was an enemy.
I took a breath, considering myself. Rod’s footsteps had begun moving again, either because he heard us coming or he finished his conversation. I glanced down at Layla, then around at the forest. It was getting darker, but life and sounds of the forest still let themselves be known. The path was a winding one, and seemed like we still had a while to go. I nodded to myself.
The kid had trusted me gods know how many times so far. Maybe she’d earned a bit in return.
“It was my sister.”
She looked up at me, and I flashed her a small smile. “She used to follow me everywhere. Didn’t matter where I went. Caves. Taverns. Barfights. There she was, backing me up or tripping me up.” She even followed me here from the home system. I still wasn’t sure how.
“And she’s the one you…?”
I nodded. “Not the only one, but the one Rod was talking about. I was out on an assignment. She had tailed me. I didn’t know it until I heard the sounds of screams and fighting nearby. Spooked my target, and I left the area to follow him and finish the job. I went back afterwards to inspect, try and figure out what happened. Saw her body there, dead. Didn’t recognize the wounds, didn’t recognize the magic. I didn’t have long before Keepers showed up and I had to run. Didn’t get a chance to really process it until later, and by then…” I shrugged. “Anyway. Rod said I lost someone. That’s who I lost.”
She hesitated. Tried to speak. Pulled back. Pressed her thumb against her fingernails on one hand, where she thought I couldn’t see. Finally decided what she was going to say. “And…whoever did it…whoever killed her…are you going to kill them back?”
I debated on answering. She deserved the answer. I opened my mouth.
“Hey, slowpokes!” I turned to see Rod waving at us. “Come on, we’re nearly there!”
Wonderful timing. Layla gave me a short smile and trotted forward. I nodded.
“Yes,” I said softly. “Yes I am.”
