[Huh...I died]

The thought wasn't an obvious one especially as I stare at the very real world around me. A small room with several flickering candles illuminating it. A queen-sized bed dominates most of the floor space and next to it is the cozy little prison I find myself in. I look between the bars of the crib and try to collect my thoughts.

What felt like less than an hour ago I have the distinct memory of being in a modern day hotel lobby and not a rustic cabin. [So why the fuck am I here now? Wait where even is here!?]

"Oh that's my doing." I look up and suddenly there's a bewitching woman standing over me. "You died on earth in such a cute way I felt like you deserved a reward."

[Wait you can hear me!? And how is any death cute?]

She smiles and runs her hand through my wispy hair. "Oh I just loved watching your final moments! You caused so much chaos it was just simply divine!" Her smile quickly becomes more and more twisted as she revels in the memories.

[It's all kinda blurry I remember getting the diagnosis but I can't remember much after that.] I look past her and notice the candles have stopped flickering their flames frozen in space.

"You will remember more as you get used to your new body...though i didn't expect you to come out like this. I hope you won't lose any of that spunk you had before." She seems almost regretful.

[Come out like what? Weren't you expecting me to be reborn as a baby?]

"Well I hadn't expected you to be reborn as a girl. You where supposed to be reborn in the most fitting body for your soul. Perhaps that's why you where so full of that adorable rage." 

[Wait wait wait! I'm a girl now!? That's...that's actually fine.]

"Oh? So quick to accept it. Where you already aware your old body was defective?"

[Well I guess I knew I've always hated my old body. So it does make sense why trying to be super macho only made me feel worse.]

"This works out great then! I've got to ask you a huge favor and now you owe me one!"

[Wasn't resurrecting me already a huge favor?]

"No no that's no trouble at all the earth God has such trouble dealing with so many of you little ones so they let us skim a few choice souls of the top."

[Choice souls? Like people who are super important?]

"No no. Most aim for the ones with no potential or drive since they're the easiest to control."

[You say most because you have a different set of criteria right?]

"Exactly! We can only do it once an era so the others all want the perfect little minion and it's just so boring! I chose those who I personally already love."

[Love? I assume given your divinity you don't mean romantically.]

"Aww you're just so cute. No when i say love it's more like I can tell you'll be a fun distraction from this monotony."

Despite her pleasant words I get the feeling joking about her dating a human has made her more than a little irritated. [Well I appreciate it truly, can you tell me why you veiw me as one of your kids?]

"Oh of course! I'd love to!" She leans closer and I can smell a sweet scent coming from her with a tinge of iron like the scent of blood. Placing a soft kiss on my forehead I'm suddenly assaulted by visions of someone who looked just like me getting beat by someone twice their size. I remeber this moment well; I had told the large man beating me to leave a girl not even old enough to drink alone.

The scene shifts and I can hear her voice once more coming from deep in my mind. "You don't worry about the consequences you just do what you need to." The same man that beat me was leaving the bar days later drunk and stumbling. As he fumbled with his keys I could hear my footsteps as I watched my past self walk up behind him and strike him with a tire iron. I tried to turn away but I was stuck watching myself swing down on the man's legs until his shouts drew onlookers and my past self ran leaving his legs shattered and bloody.

[What kind of goddess are you?]  Back in the small room now she sits on the edge of the crib like she weighs nothing.

"A vengeful one." You says it with Sweet smile. "Now to my big favor I needed from you!  I want you to live this life to the fullest!"

[Huh?!]

"You're self-righteous and where others let their souls be swallowed by their despair you'd rather burn it away in rage." Her eyes glowed an eerie purple. "This world is filled with desperate fools praying to me for their vengeance but so few actually hold the potential to take it. So! While you live your life I want you to not hold yourself back if you see a slave and want to free them let yourself do it break their chains and strangle their masters with them."

[Wait what if I just want to live here and be happy?] 

"Then I guessed wrong about you. I'm rarely wrong but its not your fault if I am." as she answers her previous intimidation falls away like this is all just a fun game for her.

[Wrong? Do you think I'm some hero or something?]

She laughs at this and shakes her head, "No I just think you are already the person I'd try to make a blank slate into anyway. You are free to do as you want including becoming one of my followers. Though I already know that's not the path you'll follow."

[What can you tell me about this world?]

"Nothing. Well I could but I won't."

[Fair enough, if you're giving me a second chance I think watching me stumble along is a fair trade. Can I ask you one more thing?]

"Let me guess you're expecting some kind of superpower right? I knew you'd do this with your reading habits."

[You mean all the light novels I assume...yeah I enjoy a good power fantasy but I was actualy hoping you could not start me with something like that.]

"Oh? You don't want to be powerful?"

[No no. I do, but if I just get power for nothing it'll never feel right using it. I'd rather just be able to learn how to do things for myself.]

"Granted."

[What?] I wanted her to explain more but she simple vanished the candles flickering once more. The door swing open and a pair of people walk in the room; a man no older than I was before I died and a women of a similar age. [Must be my parents...] my thought trails off as I notice their worried expressions.

They talk in a language I've never heard before as they seem to check everything corner of the room before coming beside where I lay. The woman leans in closer her chestnut curls falling around me as she lifts me from the crib. I tried not to get picked up but this small frame has neither the muscles or the knowledge to move properly. I remember the face of my own mother sunken and glassy eyed. Despite my best efforts I can't do much in her arms as she, my new mom gently holds me in her arms looking me over. She's got a gentle smile even if her brow is furrowed looking for anything amiss with me. [I'm fine. Put me down.]

She doesn't respond or seem to have heard me in anyway. [Guess that was just a goddess thing.] Instead of letting me down they take me out of the room and down some stairs to a cozy living room complete with crackling fireplace. I'd be lying if I said being held by someone who I haven't really accepted as my parent feels awkward.

Between the warmth of the fire and her gentle rocking I find my eyes getting heavy. In words I'd not understand for quite a while she sings a soft song that seems to fade out as I drift off to sleep. [Is this what parents are supposed to be?]

[Six months old]

While this body still can't support walking or crawling I have to say I expected it to take forever to pick up the language but I guess I get the benefits of being young along side the drawbacks. While it seems like we live in the middle of dense forest we must be close by to civilization as every day either mom or dad leaves for hours not returning till late. Mom is a healer of some sort she spends her days at the house making her herbal medicine. While she works I sit nearby watching and listening. There's no way she thinks I understand what she's saying but day in and out she describes each plant and what it's used for.

Saints ward- a thin plant with thick leaves that curl around the stem the leaves can grow quite long as they form the plants support often providing aipport for other plants that grew close by. The leaves can be used as emergency bandages if needed and the sap seems to have the ability to slow or prevent infection in minor wounds.

Hydra-poppies- a small flowering plant with multiple stalks spliting from a single stem the purple flowers that grow at the ends of the plant are toxic but not lethal. Eating them will make you sick but making then into a paste you can use it to numb the skin or a wound to relive pain.

Today she has a new plant I've not seen yet. It's a short plant that looks like a turquoise bush but it's only the size of a softball. "This one's very rare. It only grows where there's a surplus of mana in the air. When you eat it raw your booboos go away much faster. And if I boil it the brothers it makes can heal even better, but to make it into a proper potion you need to mix it with a few other herbs and ensure them with mana. The more you pour into the more effective the potion!"

I've been nodding along with her explanations so enthralled it takes me a moment to realize what she just said. [Wait mana, as in for magic right!?]

Staring at her in amazement she laughs and gives me quizzical look. "You look excited. I bet you don't understand a word I just said do ya?" I shake my head and her eyes get wide. "You can understand me?" 

[Shit! It's not even been a year and I'm already slipping up. Okay she already knows I can understand her, as long as that's all it is I should still be fine...I hope.] I nod and watch her reaction carefully.

"Just wait till daddy hears! Do you like listening to mommy's work?"

I nod and point at the small turquoise plant.

"This is my myken, it's a really useful plant." She carefully pulls the many tiny leaves free with a twist and tug leaving only the small woody body. "And while the leaves have the healing properties the body actually has a use as well."

[Oh maybe it makes mana potions?]

I watch fascinated as she boils it in a pot until it begins to turn to mush. Humming to herself she stirs it until the entire thing is mush. She pours it through a mesh that catches the mush catching the liquid in a small cup. She sips it and smiles. "It makes an excellent drink. Here" She takes a small spoonful and let's me try and sip it.

[Oh that's really nice; I was expecting something like tea or maybe even something sweet but this is actually quite savory more like a soup broth then a drink.] I nod and wait for some kind of effect or extra feeling but nothing happens.

Mom laughs a bit at my confused expression and ruffles my hair. "It's just a drink sweetie. It's tasty and good for you but that's it." I hope she can see in my reaction how amazed I am that she's just accepting all this like its natural.

When dad returned later that evening they both celebrated again at how smart I was, for a baby I was no genius before. I learned that their names are Yanji and Kona, dad and mom respectively. [They both accepted this way quicker than I expected.] When they lay me down to sleep I silently thank that vengeful goddess for these two.

[11 Months old]

I've finally mastered crawling! Much to my parents worry I  spend most of the day wondering the bottom floor of the house. It's been easier than I thought to adjust to a low tech life. [I guess quitting cold turkey is a lot easier with the shock of being reincarnated.] While I'm still far from free to roam the world this is a huge upgrade to being dependent on someone else to move about. I've learned a bit more about my parents in the past couple weeks observing their schedules while I learned to navigate. On the days mom goes out dad goes out a few hours after I had been going to bed I hoped to figure out what he does but all I could tell was he didn't leave unarmed but with a spear and some leather armor. [Huh guess maybe pops a fighter and moms a healer.] I'd learn later that I was close but wrongly assumed it was only dad with the muscles in the house.

Dad's staying home today and we're outside working on the garden. Well he's working on the garden and I'm supervising. While the weathers still nice and I've yet to see a winter in this world despite it almost being a year now something's telling me it's going to be getting cold soon. Dad has a large part of the garden filled with what he calls an experiment but to me it looks like a tangled mess. I only recognize one of the plants growing here; A stalky plant like corn that has wheat like growths filled with grain acts as support for vines with large leaves and bundles of green beans growing like grapes in clusters. along the ground keeping weeds from getting any hold is a plant I've already had called goda. They grow best in the shade under their large wide leaves that kills the grasses and low growing plants around them. "See this is a really good way for us to grow food in a smaller space. But we've also got to be careful move and leave this area open for a year or two to let the dirt get full of good stuff again. If we grow to much stuff in one area it'll hurt the dirt and make it not grow things anymore."  

Normally gardening day with dad is just pruning and weeding but today we are finishing the last harvest from his experiment. He fills several sacks with raw grain and another with the green beans. After picking all the goda he stands with a stretch cracking his back with a satisfying pop. By the way goda are a bright orange potato like plant which is rather bland but takes on other flavors really well making it a healthy filler for things like baby food. I've never done gardening so I was genuinely curious what we'd do with the plants now that we seemed to be done with them for this harvest. Dad spreads his hands out in front of him and watching I can see a glow start to form around him gathering around his hands and spreading out to encompass the section we picked clean today. "Imperium Terra; churn" The ground shakes and shifts as it overturns the topsoil swallowing up the plants and burying them out of sight. "And now-" he went to explain why he buried the plants but stopped in his tracks and stared at me. "Mari? are you alright?"

I nod "yesh" [yes]

He looks unconvinced and picks me up and looks me over. I've gotten used to it at this point and try to figure out whats set off his panic this time. "Sweetie your eyes were glowing. Can you see alright?"

[My eyes where glowing? maybe it's because he cast that spell.] "I saw your magic, it glowed."

"You can see mana? here watch my hand sweetie tell me if you see anything."

after a couple moments his hand begins glowing faintly. "It's glowing now."

He laughs to himself and the glowing fades as he picks me up into a loving hug. "You just keep surprising me. Not everyone can see mana that's amazing!"

The very next day I meet a new person for the first time since I woke up here. An older man with dark red skin and a pair of small black horns on his head and a thick salt and pepper beard. He gives me a smile and despite his devilish appearance he looks more like a grandparent then the devil. "Hello there, you must be little Mari-ana. My names Zara and your mommy and daddy asked me to check your eyes. Is that alright?" his voice is calm and I can guess from how he's talking he's been informed I can at the very least understand better than a kid should be able to at this age.

"yeshure." [Yes sir.] talking is still a pain but I guess it's better then being mute.

"Polite kid. Alright sweetheart can you make your eyes glow?" I stare at him waiting to see something but I get nothing. "Ok how about now." His hand immediately glows like a flickering flame a dull red color.

I nod excitedly. "Is red this time."

His eyes get wide, "well I'll be you can even discern the color of it. Okay I'm going to do it again but this time I want you to try and not see it okay?"

I nod and watch, when his hand glows once more I try and will the sight away and feel a pressure in my head and suddenly his whole body is glowing with his hand brighter than the rest. Mom and Dad are both glowing a bit themselves. The moment I notice this my concentration shatters and all the glowing vanishes. [Huh was that a stronger version?] I'm surprised to see Zara giving me a shocked expression. I try to look around to see whats caused this only to feel something strike the side of my head. 

"Hear me empty heart and empty vessel, you whose love runs dry. Divine blessing of love overflowing, from the Mother to me and from me in her name I share love; Healing flow."

I feel a great warmth spreading over me all at once the pain from the impact and the numbness left my body all at once. I blinked and could only see a mess of chestnut curls obscuring my view cradled by my mother. "mom, I'm okay now"

She sets me down and I notice why they're so worked up, the entire front of my shirt and pants are covered in blood. I reach up and touch my face feeling more blood coating my face. "What?"

Mom pulls me back to sitting on her lap while she wipes my face down with a damp cloth. "Sweetie, does it hurt anywhere?" I shake my head. "Do you feel tired?" I nod, my whole body feels heavy and numb.

"I think she triggered her sight to grow and it absorbed her mana to keep it activated." Zara grabs my cup from the table and kneels down to hand it to me. "I'll be back tomorrow with something to check her mana levels. Unless you'd like to give it more time."

I spit out a reply before either mom and dad can even start, "check!"

Mom ruffles my hair, "well it sounds like she's raring to go. If you don't mind walking out again we'd be happy to host you for lunch."

With that Zara headed back out with Dad, it's only when he turns to leave I notice his cloak has the same symbol on the back as dad's armor. [They must work for the same group. I wonder if dad's a town guard.]

The next day Zara shows up with a bottle of what looks like wine and a small crystal about the size of a marble. We've made a spread of freshly cooked veggies and a side of what I'm ninety present sure is venison wrapped in the large leaves from a goda plant that we let cook in the embers of last night's fire. Dad made as many of the dishes into mush so I could have some. [I can't wait to have teeth and be able to eat like a normal person again.]

After our large lunch Zara brings the crystal over to me and places it into my hand. "Just squeeze that untill we say stop. After that we will know how much mana you've got!" His tone reminds me of a proud grandparent.

I do as he says and squeeze the gem and as I do I can feel a tug like the gem is pulling me into it. While this is happening I can't see any glowing from my hands or anyone else nearby. When he gives me the go ahead I open my hand and the gem glows. "Interesting, after yesterday I assumed she'd only have a fraction of this. She might be more than just a prodigy Kona."

"You don't think she's blessed do you?"

"Well it's either that or she's somehow trained herself to have advanced ranked mana capacity before she's even left the house."

I tug on his cloak to get his attention "blessed? How?"

"Well you see sweetie when someone's born with alot of mana or something else that makes them unique we call that a blessing. It's rare in most races but nearly unheard of in humans like you and your parents."

"Does blessings come from Gods?"

"Maybe. Hey Kona did you hear anything odd while you where carrying her or during labor?"

"No, I felt the Divine Mothers protection through the whole process but I haven't heard her voice since I created the villages barrier. Did you hear anything hunny?" 

Dad scratches his chin, "No but there was that night after you finally recovered and we felt that presence."

"yesh!" I immediately know that night when my second life began. "Thas when."

"Did you hear something that night...and can you remember it?" Zara is giving dad a sidelong glance like he's not sure how much weirder things can get.

"yesh I also saw her."

"You...You saw her?" Mom's voice is faint and shes looking at me concerned.

I nod, my legs and arms feeling numb. They stay silent unsure how to continue and I can feel my chest tightening up. [Did I say to much? Please don't treat me differently now...] I try and talk but I can't find the words.

"You know what this means right?" It's Zara's voice that breaks the silence. "She's going to be a target and we know how persistent the Empire can get."

"Ehh! what!?" I stare at him in disbelief but he doesn't even pay me any mind. 

"Doesn't mater unless they declare war there's only so much they can do." Mom's confidence is back and she speaks so casually I find my own anxiety fading in response.

"We'll have to be careful but as of now there's no one in the village that we can't trust so we just do what we always do and look after one another." Dad gives me a smile, I know they both must be nervous but they're doing their best to not let me see it on their faces.

Over the next couple of months I learned to talk more clearly and have been told a bit more about the people who may come to target me. The continent we are on is split into four lesser kingdoms and a single larger kingdom called the empire. For the last couple generations Humanity has had less and less mana and consequently less Blessed kids. Somewhere in the capital city of the empire they have an institution called Ignition Academy a place where all citizens of the empire who are blessed must attend once their status as a blessed person is recognized. According to mom and dad they aren't recognized as anything more than rumors by the empire but everyone in the neighboring kingdoms knows blessed kids are likely to turn up missing if the knowledge of them makes it past their borders.

I've figured out mom and dads jobs are recently; Mom is a priestess of a deity called the Divine Mother, apparently she can use magic by borrowing some of that beings powers through prayers. I guess that's how she healed me that day. Dad is a member of the village town guard the Koda. Zara told me they used to be a high ranking group of adventures who settled down here to protect the original village from bandits.  [I say original because it ended up burnt to the ground by the bandits but thanks to the Koda only one man lost his life; the Koda's former leader.] Dad works as a guard most days trading off on nights when mom heads into town to work at the church during the day.

I'd grown accustom to their schedule so when I heard dads voice two nights in a row I knew something was up. Poking my head down stairs I see dad sitting by the door a blade lay across his lap. "Mari, there's monsters in the woods tonight. Stay up on the stairs if you can't sleep but don't come off them alright?"

"Okay dad, if there's a monster how come mom's the one out there? Did you get hurt last night?"

"No no, this is just a monster your mom is better suited to fight. Once it was spotted I rushed home to swap out with her. Your mom's a whole lot tougher than even Zara when she's serious. We aren't sure if the things alone either so even if anything breaks in just get up stairs and hide."

Some where deep in my chest I felt a tightening sensation and suddenly I could see the faint flicker of mana off in the distance sputtering in brilliant bursts I can see all the way over here. "I can see mom's mana from all the way over here she's really strong." 

"Oh did your mana sight retu- Whats wrong sweetie?"

"Two sources of mana are approaching dad, they feel different."

"Let me know when they're going for the door."

I nod and watch carefully, one of the figures waits just at the edge of the clearing our house is built on and the other is slowly approaching the door. I feel a tinge of pain [My limit's already approaching? Just last a few more feet...] "Now!" 

Right as the door splintered from the mysterious creatures strike dad lobbed a small metal sphere out the door as hard as he could. A green flash of mana bright enough to force me to turn off the sight. The creature lunged, or tried to lunge at dad but his feet had sunk into the ground and he fell flat on his face. Dad moved and brought his blade down splitting it's head in a single swing. The moment he appeared in front of the door the other creature moved. Without my sight I had no way of knowing that it already closed the distance to the door in that time.

Dad covered his face with his arms just fast enough to save himself as the creature sent him flying back into the wall. The creature was huge and beastly with a dense black coat. Dad's no slouch though I felt panic when he first got hit only a moment later I realized not all my potential came from that goddess or even my own memories both my parents are insanely strong. The creature lunged at dad but here in the light, here in our house he was at the advantage. Dad moved fast grabbing the creature around the neck and slamming its head into the floor in the middle of it's lunge. "Creo Aqua temptrua; Blade." His hand became covered in an icy blade that he drove into the creatures body over and over until it stopped moving. 

I started to move towards him but he held up a hand. breathing deeply he steadied himself and stood "Are you okay?"

"Ya, are you okay? It hit you really hard."

"Nothing your mom can't fix once she's finished with their main force."

"Why do monsters attack defended villages?"

"They aren't smart if they see a city with a standing army they'll know to stay away but with a village like ours we can't  boast a large standing force even if we have more then enough firepower to handle a small heard of beasts like this when they get confident enough to attack."

"So is it mom's magic that makes her helpful fighting these things?"

"Kinda, normally a priestess takes on a back line role but your mom's a special case she's a Paladin so she is actually a front line fighter."

"So holy power is strong against these things?"

"No they're weak against fire. When your mom fights she can protect herself from fire while holding their attention letting Zara finish them off."

Off at the far end of the village a beautiful display of fireworks defended the denizens from the encroaching monsters. As Kona swings he mace shattering the skull of one monster she holds her hand high in the air "Let all know the love of their mother and let all who receive it be protected by it; Divine Protection!" A golden shimmer covers her and several other warriors nearby. Her prayer heard she grabs another monster by the scruff and slams it into the ground pinning it. "Now Zara! Cook 'em!"

"Creo Igni; Flash Over!" a wall of fire starting at Zara's feet erupts streaking across the battlefield igniting any living creature not protected by Kona. The monsters not killed immediately are dying from their wounds."Imperium Igni; snuff." Closing his hands into fists the remaining flames sputter and die at once.

Looking over the scorched grasses and smoldering monsters Kona takes out a rag and wipes her face clean of soot and sweat. While the other members of the Koda walk around jamming spears into the bodies of the monsters. "Suprised this is the first we've seen of then this year."

Zara nods and scratches his chin, "I think last I heard there was trouble down south so maybe they got wrapped up in that while migrating."

"Maybe it'll give us an easier winter."

"We can pray but I imagine the things waiting to feast on those beasts won't just sit still and starve."

"We've got four months till the cold sets in. Anything we're in need of?"

"Copia just wrapped up so we'll have plenty once we get someone up the coast to silvermyst. I heard from one of the adventuers that there's some new bandit lord down south so we might be stuck with smoked fish for the second half of winter."

"Ofcourse there's a bandit calling themselves a lord, nothing but a leviathan in a lake. Should we add in more sparing to daily training?"

"Can't hurt, but why don't you go back and check on Yan and the little one. We'll wrap up here."

Kona bids the squad adue and starts back for the house. In the house I find myself going from bandaids for booboos to triage. It turns out those beasts are fought with fire due to their hardy hide laced with iron like quills that break off into anything that attacks them or that they slam into. Currently dad has several of these spines sticking out of his arms and two sticking out of his stomach. The only help I can really provide is bringing him some Hydra-poppy paste to help with the pain. Looking out the busted door I can see a glow appear in the woods not one shown to me by mana sight but the dull flickering glow of a lantern. "Mom or someone's on their way, how are you holding up?"

"Ill be alright sweetie. This isn't the first time I've been in this situstion."

I hop up and notice something odd about the beast that charged dad. While the other one doesn't have anything that stands out it helped me notice the slight difference between the two. "Hey dad? Does it look like this one had a collar on?"

"Huh?" He winces as he stands and comes closer examining the creatures neck. "Well I'll be damned. This isn't good..."

"Whats not good? Oh shit Yan are you okay!?" Mom walked right past the destroyed door her thoughts only interrupted when she sees the spines sticking out of him.

Dad chuckles, "Yeah Mari got me some of your medicine to help with the pain. But that's not what's wrong, look here hun."

They examin the corpse of the creature and along with the collar it appears like this creatures a slight evolution on the other it's spines are covered in barbs where as the others only had a few small barbs from the growing process. Mom sighs and rolls the creature up in our rug tossing it outside the door.

While I cleaned the floor dad was about to experience hell on earth. Even with the area around the wound numb the paste only works on the surface level. Mom takes a belt and lashes his arm to a chair. On earth it'd be safer to just push the spine through but we didn't have magic to reattach and grow muscle fibers. "Ok on three, one, two-" on two she twists and yanks the first one free. Fortunately for him the pain of the barb spine tearing his muscles was enough for him to pass out now that things had calmed down.

After pulling the last spine free she tips a vial of a sapphire blue liquid pouring it down his throat. A moment later his wounds closed leaving behind scar tissue where his wounds where. Mom slumps back in her seat rubbing her forehead. She pulls me into a hug ruffling my hair. "You did amazing tonight sweetie...is this not the first time you've seen someone spill blood."

Like a ghost passed through me I feel my limbs going cold. "...maybe"

"Maybe?" She lets me free of the hug brushing hair out of my face. "You know you'll be our little girl no mater what memories you have right?"

"..."

"You're more than just blessed right? You saw a divine being and you act more like an adult then some of the younger members of the Koda. I won't press you anymore but if you ever feel like your past is going to swallow you up I'll always be here to pull you out, dad too even if he's a bit indisposed at the moment."

In another life I wonder if those words we mean anything to me. At one time I'd have leapt over the moon to hear my parents say that. [And yet when I try and think about either of them saying that I can't even picture it. Why would a vengeful goddess let me have such a nice life...]

"...live..." a voice on the wind a trick of the mind, or atleast thats what I'm telling myself.

[One day I'll tell them everything. But for now I just want things to stay the same.]

And stay the same they did, atleast over the next couple months leading into winter; which I've recently learned lasts eight long months. When winter hit I realized how harsh this world could get. The first snow fall lasted two full days pilling up over my head. Watching the snow fall might make most people feel calm but for me it's painful to think about. It was the middle of winter when I was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. While we had the medicine to fix this easily it was so expensive my only options where to take a chaper method that'd leave me weak and dying even if it worked. I remeber everything about that day clearly, its the last day I can remeber fully. The smells of the hospital still burns my nose and the realization I was too poor to live burned in my chest.

While the winter wore on I began to stop smelling the hospital when the snow fell. With each day I felt more comfortable more like a family member than some stranger placed here. We had a suprisingly steady supply of food only once did we run low and in-between two extremely heavy snow falls dad ran out and brought back a sled full of preserved food.

(3 years old)

I've been spending alot of time studying, being able to read and write came to me alot faster than I expected. I've been able to learn alot about the lands where we live and the history of this small kingdom. The lesser kingdom of Wara; a human kingdom one of the last ones that allow demihumans, (half-humans, beastkin) to live as equals. A human women named Floria Eve Wara raised an army and forced the empire out of their lands and claimed independence. From what I've read she wasn't just a figure head apparently after she slaughtered the empire's goons in her castle she sent their heads to the Elves and recived reinforcements to back their independence. The elves and humans have had rough relationships since the humans first formed a unified front. There's also an entire continent south of us full of demons, though judging from what I read they seem to be the most civilized. When the humans first attempted to throw out all the non humans who had lived here for generations it was the demon clans that came and razed the humans newly built capital and prevented an all out genocide on the continent.

Currently the continent is split into 4 lesser kingdoms and the largest faction being the empire, the Kingdom of Karna-Verta. The four lesser kingdoms serve as both a place for non humans on the continent and as a bulwark should the elves ever invade again. I've look all over and asked mom and dad to do the same but we've not found on the Dwarven kingdom just what they knew from word of mouth. The dwarves are apparently very isolationist, it seems they're willing to work with others but never reach out unless a catastrophe has happened. Something about the lack of information makes me want to go and see it for myself, though I wonder how accepting of a human they'd be.

I've managed to devour nearly every book the tiny school in the village has and occurring to dad there is only two books left in town that he knows about but apparently Ill need to join him tomorrow even he heads into town. I had trouble sleeping that night, much like the night before a feild trip I find myself to excited to sleep. [I've spent three years in this house even if I was a bit of a shutin outside work even I wanna see more than the same four wall everyday.]

I'm woken up early the next morning with dad chuckling to himself, "I didn't expect you to sleep in with your first trip into town today."

Groggily wiping the sleep from my eyes I can't help but yawn as I answer him, "sorry, yawn, I was to excited to sleep."

"I wish I had your thirst for knowledge growing up. When I learned I could join the Koda and get out of school I signed up as soon as they let me."

"It's not that special, I'm just a bit bored and reading helps."

He gives me an incredulous look, "you read all the books in town because you were bored? Why didn't you say something It's not much better in town but we'd be happy to take you with us so your not just sitting around all day."

"Oh. I guess I just thought you guys wouldn't want me in the way."

He kneels down next to the bed and puts his hand on my shoulder causing me to look up and him, despite the warmth in his eyes they look close to tears. "Mari, from now untill your mom and I are old and senile you'll never be in our way. You're our little miracle and your always welcome by our side."

Warm words said not because he fucked up or hurt me but because he saw I was hurting even if I didn't see it. I hug him and can't help but feel like the past was nothing but a nightmare in that one brief moment. I can't hold back the tears that came from nowhere as I sniffle trying to not fall apart anymore. "Thank you dad, I love you." For over twenty years I said I wasn't a hugger. Somewhere inside me I feel like this one hug made up for those twenty wasted years pretending I wasn't in need of a warm hug. 

When we get down stairs mom looks at both of us with concern, "Whats up with you two your eyes are all red."

"Oh someone just needed a good cry to start the day."

"You cried too, and besides it was just because im so happy to go into town."

"You two I swear, well if you've got the tears out go ahead and fill up I think you're gonna need all the energy you can for your day out."

""Thanks!"" Dad and I dig into breakfast devouring the eggs and bacon before we hurriedly make our way out the door.

The woods around our house stresch on in every way I look so even knowing which way we are going I have no idea how far we're going to walk to get to the village. Part of me feels uneasy wandering so deep into the woods having spent 3 years now fantasizing about what all could be out here. While we walk I notice the path gets more clear as we are apparently closing into the village.

Just as I was starting to wonder how much farther it was the town came into veiw; what was an unending forest a step ago became an obvious clearing filled with houses and people. "What!?"

"Welcome to Ekki Mari, this is the place I was raised and where your mom wanted to settle down."

"But how'd it just appear!"

"Your mom made a barrier for the town that makes it harder to find and as long as she's in the barrier she knows anytime someone new enters or if a monster finds it's way inside."

As we walk into town I try not to stare as I take in the diversity of the town's residents. At the edge of town another man in a Koda uniform waves to us at first glance he looked human but as we got closer I noticed his eyes where solid black and his skin was extremely pale. He might come off as intimidating to some people but he's got such a soft smile as he chats away with dad. "So you brought the little one with you finnaly huh?" He squats down to my height and offers his hand, "my names Do-Roma, it's nice to meet you Mari. Your dad sure loves to brag about you. You here to help him work?"

"Nice to meet you too, and no I'm not strong enough to help yet. So instead I'm going to read a book from Zara!"

"You know Yanji I wasn't completly convinced of all your bragging but if she's already this smart you better watch out she'll be taking your position before she can even be an apprentice."

I let dad chat with his friend while I look around the village. I'm suprised to see so many two and three story buildings but I guess when you have magic building must be alot easier. I notice a huge man hauling a load of charcoal on his back taking long slow strides. He has alot of thick hair on his arms and instead of huma ears he has a pair of round bear like ears on top of his head. He seems to have spotted me staring but doesn't care as he just gives me a smile and a wave before continuing his walk.

We eventually made our way into town where every couple feet we'd get stopped and someone would come up to say hi. While I certainly feel a bit awkward meeting all these people who've heard about me for the past couple years I guess it had to happen eventually. One guy who I assume is the towns teacher spent a good ten mineuts asking me about the books I read before throwing his hands up and said despite not needing his help he'd be happy to let me apprentice under him when it comes time for that. From what I've gathered depending on your species most people have three important birthdays, for humans its at six you become a member of your community, at twelve you are eligible to join a working adult as an apprentice and once you do your recognized as a young adult and finaly at eighteen you become a full fledged adult with all your normal responsibilities and privileges.

Zara, despite being the one we came to see is the last person we run into. Sitting in a pretty tall building made of dark grey bricks. I recognize the sign hanging out front to be the same symbol the Koda wear on their armor and if that wasn't enough to clue you in the sounds of training comeing from behind the building make it the obvious headquarters for the Koda.

Sitting in a common room of sorts we find Zara waiting for us with a steaming cup of tea. "You know I was just about to send out a search party. Glad you two turned up."

"Sorry about that, everyone wanted to say hi and I may have lost track of how long we'd been stopped for."

Zara waves his hand dismissively and turns his attention to me, "well we can't undo what's done. So I've heard you've gone and already read everything in the village?"

"Yep! I liked the books on history the best. Oh and I didn't read all them yet I hear there might be one or two more hiding around here."

"Ahh and you've heard right, there are indeed a few books left for you to read. I've keep a hold of these books since I was a kid and they're what helped me learn magic."

I'd already suspected it was something to do with magic but I still can't hide the smile that's spreading across my face. "Woah, so I'm gonna learn magic?"

"Not by yourself like you have been, but yes if you wanna learn magic I'd be happy to teach you. If you are willing to listen to my instructions and not behave foolishly."

I straighten up and stand at attention, "I understand sir, I promise to listen and respect your lessons." 

Reaching into his pack he hands me a leather-bound book that'd make the Bible look thin. The book is so heavy I couldn't even take it with me if I wanted to. Setting up out back I start reading while Zara gets back to training the other Koda. I expected this to be all about mystical powers and world bending power but it seems the first half this book is devoted to the properties of the elements you'd be expected to create or control useing this kind of magic. As I'm reading through the first part on earth and how soil and stone behaves under diffrent scenarios I swear I can feel someone watching me. I finish up my page and sneak a glance around; in front of me is Zara and the Moda training, they've not paid me any mind after saying hello. I look to my side and spot someone poking their head past the corner of the building; maybe a little older than I am a boy with cats eyes and ears. When our gaze meets he takes off before I can even wave hello. shrugging I resign myself to asking dad or Zara about him later and get back to reading. 

Overall I succeded in learning that outside of mana and it's ability to influence the world it seems most physics is the same. [Good I can only assume understanding is half the battle given this book is half dedicated to being a physics textbook.] I've also managed to learn that mana response to one's will and imagination. The better you understand a concept the less work the mana has to do to replicate it. I do my best to recount everything I learned to Zara at the end of the day and he seemed pleased telling me to come back tomorrow or whenever I could get my parents to bring me back.

On the way home I finaly remember to ask about the boy who ran off earlier. "Hey dad?" 

"Whats up sweetie?"

"Well while I was reading today I saw a boy with cats ears and he ran off when we spotted eachother. Do you know who he was?"

"Oh, that was proably Edwyn...he's a bit troubled."

"Troubled?"

"He was rescued from the empire when he was a little younger than you."

"So he's dealing with alot of truama...poor kid."

"Well if your worried just be patient and kind and he'll atleast stop running when you spot him."

The rest of my week goes about the same; wake up, read, accidently run Edwyn off when I wave, return home. Today I'm heading in with mom and a bag of smoked jerky, I don't know if it's going to be enough but it's worth a shot.

I've noticed when he shows up he'll only take off if I look up and acknowledge him. Otherwise he'll stay at the corner of the building for about an hour before running off somewhere. I've gotten pretty good at spotting him from the corner of my eye so when he shows up today I'll be ready. [Right on time.] I laugh to myself when I spot him poking his head around the corner. I take a chunk of jerky out and hold it up, not looking his way yet.

I was expecting to have to repeate this for a few days so I was suprised when I felt him take the jerky. "...thanks, I'm...Ed, Edwyn."

"It's nice to meet you Edwyn, I'm Mari. Help yourself." I pat the ground next to me and go back to my book

I spend the rest of the day like the others reading and rereading. Edwyn doesn't talk much at all instead he munches on jerky and reads over my shoulder, or atleast I think he's able to read. When Zara finished up training the others I notice he looks abit suprised to see Edwyn sitting here. "Mari-Ana how confident are you with what you've read."

"Pretty confident. The sections on the natural laws of the elements was easy to understand. The later half was a bit more confusing it only described things in vauge terms." 

"Thats because most magic is done by feel and describing the exact way it feels for one person might not match the next. Could you describe how it feels to clench your hand to someone born without one?"

"No, I guess I can't. So the book gives you a push in the general direction and you've gotta figure the rest out yourself."

"Starting tomorrow we will start your practical training. And Edwyn?"

"Yes sir!" Edwyn who had been hunched over sits up straight when he hears his name.

"Would you like to start training here with Mari-Ana? It won't be magic but we can teach you how to get stronger."

"It'll be fun to train with someone else. We can see who gets better faster."

"...sure..." His reply is quiet but it seems like he does want to join. 

"Good, now I've got some things to attend to so go ahead and run along to your mom Mari-Ana. Edwyn can you make sure she gets to the church alright?"

Edwyn nods and with that we depart the Koda and start for the church. While we walk I take note that many of the adults seem just as suprised as Zara was. [I'm starting to think this poor kid doesn't have any friends whatsoever, well he's got one now atleast.]

Next to the church is the villages little school house. Several kids spot us and run up excitedly ""scary cat had a friend!!"

[Oh, oh no.] Is this why dad seemed so happy I wanted to be his friend? I keep walking brushing past the taunting twits. "Let's get some lunch, mom always brings left overs!"

Luckily the kids let us pass and to my suprise Edwyn doesn't bolt instead he just sticks right next to me as we make our way inside the church. The church is a beautiful building but outside of the early morning and special events it's almost entirely empty. Mom is in the back her little workshop where she prepares potions and medicine from the plants gathered in the forest. Edwyn follows behind me as I step into the backroom, the strong scent of herbs and the faint smell of smoke fill the room. "Oh! Hey sweetie did you finish up already? And Ed it's good to see you too how're you."

"Yep, Zara had things to do."

"I'm OK Mrs.Kona, how're you?"

Maybe it's my imagination but I feel like Edwyns gotten less tense since we made our way inside. "Good good. I'm doing well too. Well if Zara's busy you guys can hang out here for a bit just don't get into to much trouble."

"Oh, did you bring anything to eat?"

"Ofcourse, you never want to eat when you're reading so I brought some extra."

We take our food and sit out back in the shade and dig in. I notice while he eats Edwyn seems to keep his head on a swivel watching for something. By the time we finish eating he seems calmer leaning back against the building instead of sitting up straight. "What do you do for fun Edwyn?"

"I like exploring...and sword fighting."

"Sword fighting?"

"Yeah!" He looks around and finds a stick picking it up and mimicking fighting an invisible opponent. I don't have any better ideas so I grab a stick and start swinging.

By the time mom's wrapped up we're both covered in dirt and bruises but mom only smiles laughs when she sees. "Good to see you so energetic Edwyn, will we see you tomorrow too?"

"Yep! See ya tomorrow Mari!" He gives a big smile and a wave as he runs off.

As we walk home mom pipes up with a happy tone, "thanks for playing with Ed, he's had trouble making friends."

"I noticed some of the kids where making fun of him, it really got on my nerves."

"Yeah, we try and chastise them when we see it but no one can be around at all times."

"Can you tell me more about his situation and why he's so skiddish?"

"He was rescued from the empire's demihuman slave trade...He lost his tail there. Ever since he was brought here he's had trouble talking to most people, especially men. It seems Zara is the only one he will talk to and that's only if Zara talks to him first."

"Does he have any family here?"

"No, he's been staying with some of the other priestess' in town."

I was already resolved to befriend him but now I know I've gotta be there for him. I can't even imagine the hell he had to go through to in the capital. That night when I was staring at the ceiling a though crossed my mind, [did you bring me here to deal with the empire's bullshit?]

I've never prayed before so I just imagine I'm talking with the goddess from before. Just as I drift off to sleep I hear a voice right next to me ear. "Burn it all." It's not the voice of the goddess but I do recognize it; that was my voice before I died.

I'm wracked with nightmares of pitch black the sounds of screaming and the scent of burning flesh and plastic stings my nose and lungs. I reach out but can't touch anything when I look around the darkness smothers me in every direction. I hear a voice but can't understand their words they sound terrified like they're begging. I try and reach out to the voice yo comfort them but their cries are silenced by the crack of a gunshot.

Waking up in a cold sweat I look around the room for anyone who might have shown up and see nothing but my room. I wipe the sweat off my brow and notice my hands are shaking and for a moment I swear they're covered in soot but when I shake my head and look again they're back to normal.

[What was that? Why did It feel so familair?]