Winter 4995, 21 Ginmoth 

The snow falling at Hamerfoss looked like ash...

For one blissful moment, Shon thought he'd woken up for real. Even a city surrounded by lava would be better than this dream again.

His emotional shields didn't work here, they never had. Where Shon would smother his frustrations in the waking world, here he would snap and yell. No matter how useless such responses were. 

And when he woke? The dreams always brought back the memory of the first time. And its aftermath. The failed vigil. He'd feel it all over again. The exposure, the vulnerability, and all his inadequacies made clear. Followed by the pain, the rejection, and the emptiness. 

Part of him knew he should feel grateful. It had been almost a year since he'd had to experience this recurring nightmare. When Master Veon-Zih had cracked his energy centers open. But as he stared up from his old bed at the falling snow, all Shon could feel was grief.

Yet, if there was one thing the last dream had taught him, it was that there was no point in attempting to avoid them. So Shon rolled over and sat up, running his hand over his long hair and down the nub of a ponytail. Ryuuko twittered at him from the back of his desk chair, impatient to get moving as always. But one thing was different... Shon's sword was gone. 

Ryuuko lept for him, clinging to his shirt and chittering in his face, then lept off again to glide for the door and scratch at the wood. Shon ignored it, searching the tiny six-by-six room for his sword. He tore the room apart in an effort to find it.

 He could feel the anxiety start to build into a panic and in response, the floor and walls were quickly coated in frost. With nowhere left to look Shon wrenched the door open and stepped out from his third-floor room into the courtyard of the Paladin training facility. 

He ran around the edge of the fortress towards the curtain wall and the bench with its barrel for rain runoff. As always, the man in white waited for him, this time holding Shon's sword. The pommel clear as glass. 

Shon snarled at the man, lunging for the weapon. 

The man let it go and Ryuuko landed on His shoulder to chitter angrily at Shon. His smile was as sad as ever but Shon could only glare. "How long do you plan on hiding?" the man asked. 

Shon bristled. This... This was why he hated these dreams. This man had a way of getting under Shon's skin and into his head. Even when He said nothing at all, that man's sad smile seeped into the cracks in Shon's soul, spreading them wider...

The man just shook His head and continued, "You saved hundreds of lives today..." 

Straightening his shoulders and holding the sword in both hands, Shon answered, "Hengist would demand no less." his head began pounding with his heartbeat. 

"They aren't the only one." the man whispered.

Darkness crept into the sides of Shon's vision, narrowing it down to a single point. A single set of sad blue eyes. Exactly like his.

The man continued to speak, "You can't use what you are to hide who you are..."

"Stop..." Shon begged. Holding his sword -the holy symbol of Hengist- close to his chest. Ryuuko's concerned whistle sounded by his ear. He could feel the little dragon's claws on his shoulder as his vision faded to black. Shon struggled to wake.

Something warm stroked his face. And grew colder as it lingered on his skin. His cursed ice pulling the heat away and leaving nothing but cold behind. Pain, followed by numbness, then death. That was what he was. 

'Really?' The man's voice spoke directly into Shon's mind, making his head throb. And though the man's voice was in Shon's head, His next words were for Ryuuko, "If you could little one? My rea..." The voice faded to barely a whisper, but Ryuuko chirped and sent Shon a memory. 

A single word, spoken with a sigh by a woman who'd accepted him...

'Ah... Refreshing...' 

Lily...

***

Alena rested a healing hand on Shon's head. His skin was still cold and growing colder. She chanted a follow-up prayer for protection against his freezing skin and felt the sting fade. Though he still felt chill. Like a stone hidden from the sun's warmth. 

Shon stirred, mumbling, "Stop..."

She leaned closer, stroking the side of his face, "Shon?" Faster than she could respond his hand clamped down on her wrist and his eyes flew open. She pulled away in shock, jerking her arm back and knocking her chair over as she stood.

"Don't..." Shon growled, sitting up and running his hand over his hair, "... touch me..."

"I'm sorry." Alena gasped, turning away to pick up her chair and hide her shaking hands. When she turned back, Ryuuko was latched onto Shon's bare chest, chittering angrily in his face.

Shon pushed the little dragon down, "Don't." he said again, quieter. Shon swallowed, then continued, "Don't apologize." He turned stunning blue eyes her way, freezing the breath in her throat. She couldn't read the emotion there before it was gone in a blink. "I'm sorry." His voice was flat and he looked away, towards the window, where ash continued to fall, covering the city below, "Where?" 

"Um," Alena coughed nervously, wringing her shaking hands she answered, "Still in Yanao. The fires didn't reach the guild tower or the docks. The Temple is letting people back through to search the buildings, but there isn't much left..."

Shon threw his legs over the side of the bed away from her, intending to get up. He stopped and looked down without standing. Alena tried to look away but continued to shoot nervous glances his way until he turned to arch an eyebrow at her.

She spun, putting her back to him, "There are clothes at the foot of the bed, under your sword..." She tried to will her blush away but could feel it growing deeper as she squeezed her eyes shut as an added defense. She hadn't been embarrassed when he'd been unconscious...

Trying not to picture what he looked like as he dressed she rambled, "Your clothes were burned but we found your spares. Ryuuko showed us where your sword was. We needed to search for wounds but I assure you it was completely professional. Tristen himse-"

"It's fine." Shon interrupted her. 

Alena sighed. She should've known. In the year since they'd started working and living together, Shon was only ever professional. Even between fieldwork -when even Tristen would relax a fraction- Shon had to be bullied by Ebonwing to join them in gatherings. Where he would only watch and listen. Like a chaperon, rather than a participant.

"How long?" Shon asked from right behind her, making Alena jump again. 

"Only... only a day." She stuttered, turning to find him dressed, his sword strapped once more to his back, and looking around the packed infirmary. They'd managed to get him a bed in the actual infirmary used by the Mages and tended by the Clerics of Saint Bede. He'd been at the far end -nearest the wall- with only one neighbor, another Sorcerer who'd passed out from using too much magic keeping the ships from catching fire. 

Shon's scan of the room paused on the unconscious young man. A Captain of his own ship apparently. Shon's brow furrowed in curiosity and Alena rushed to fill the silence, "He's fine. His name's Damenik. He's like you, he used his power, water, to control the fires at the pier..." But Shon had started down the hall towards the door. 

"The others?" he asked as Alena hurried to catch up.

"Tristen's in Deim, filing a report. Ebonwing found the Warlock tower. If we hurry we can still meet the others at the dock, they were trying to get a boat to take us there since the land route is blocked..." She was rambling again but Shon let her do it, continuing on in his characteristic silence.

Ryuuko flew over to land on her shoulder, nuzzling her cheek when she let her words trail off as they exited the Guild into the hellish landscape that had once been a thriving city. 

The storm was over, but the sun was still shrouded by billowing smoke and falling ash from the mountain. An orange glow radiated up with the heat waves from beyond the city walls, the gray stone marred in three places by black volcanic rock -where Shon's ice had solidified the lava to seal the gates. "You saved the city..." Alena whispered as she watched Shon scan the destruction.

He turned enough to arch an eyebrow at her. Everything inside the walls was blanketed in gray, except where the blackened remains of wood poked through the ash. To the south, homes and shops were hollowed-out husks of burned roofs and charred walls. Nearby, the delicate spires of the Church of Soleil had crumbled from falling rocks. Only the Temple of Horsa and Mages Guild -both built of solid stone- remained mostly undamaged.

Alena lifted her chin proudly, "A city is built of people, not stone." she declared, "Because you stopped the lava..." But Shon had started walking again, towards the docks. She ran to keep up, passing him and turning around to try and walk backward but tripping over her robes. Ryuuko squawked in distress but she managed to catch herself, glaring up at Shon she continued, "It could have been worse. Because of what you did..."

Shon stared blankly down at her and Alena's voice faltered. "Shon," She reached for him, but he pulled away and she let her hand fall, whispering, "It's okay to feel proud. Or at least relieved..." He looked back towards the decimated city buildings. She couldn't read him. Was he blaming himself for not doing more? "It's okay." She blurted. "The people are safe, they'll rebuild, and we'll stop the Warlocks and-"

"It isn't." Shon interrupted. He didn't look at her, staring at the sky, "There is nothing okay about this. We need to stop the storms." when he looked at her again, all her reassurances died in her throat. Ryuuko lept from her shoulder to his and bit his ear, but Shon just brushed it off. It clung to his sword and continued to chitter as he started for the docks again, Alena following mutely. 

"Hey! Wait! They made it!" Ebonwing's voice sounded from the end of the westernmost pier. She waved at the sailors in their small boat to wait and lept back onto the dock to jog towards them, "Have a nice nap, big guy?"

Alena tried to sneak a look at Shon without staring. He shook his head at Ebonwing, then passed her to board the boat with Oswall and Ranito. 

The Druid shrugged then grinned at Alena, "Well, I guess he's fine." 

Alena sighed, "As fine as ever anyway..."

Ebonwing threw her arm around Alena's shoulders and steered her towards the boat, whispering, "Don't let it get you down, Al. This is his normal."

"I just wish I could help him," Alena answered just as quietly.

The Druid shook her head. Hopping back into the boat, she held out a helping hand to Alena. As Alena stepped aboard Ebonwing pulled, overbalancing the Cleric so she fell into the Druid's waiting arms, whispering in her ear, "He has to want it. All you can do is be here." 

Alena nodded but didn't say anything more as the sailors used their oars to push their boat away from the dock. It was a small dingy, the kind usually used on larger ships in emergencies. Alena recognized the sailors as some that had visited the Sorcerer Captian in the infirmary. 

One grinned at her as he rowed, "Greetings again m'lady. How's the Captain?" 

Alena forced a smile, "Sleeping soundly, good sir." 

"Lucky bastard," the other answered, "His familiar's been driving us crazy. The damn horse tried to climb up to the docks last night. Might have to drag him down and throw him in the drink." 

Alena's concern must have shown on her face because the first laughed, "He's kidding, m'lady. Don't let this old blowhard worry you."

She opened her mouth, not sure how to respond, when Oswall's whistle distracted her. Alena turned in her seat to see her companions staring back at the city. They had rowed past the western wall and finally got a good look at the river of still-molten lava seeping into the bay. It reached over halfway up the twenty-foot stone wall and continued to pop and hiss as it hit the water at a slow crawl, obscuring their view with steam. 

The sailors fell silent, the only sound the splash of their oars as they took the party around the western peninsula. Once the city was out of view the group turned their attention to search the coast for the tower. 

Ranito broke the silence, asking the sailors, "A water Sorcerer with a horse for a familiar?"

Ebonwing joined in, "Seems awfully inconvenient for a sailor."

The sailors chuckled, "Aye lady, it would be, if it weren't a water horse."

"Another Kelpie?" Alena asked, and realized her mistake immediately at the sailors responding scowls.

The second corrected kindly, "No m'lady. The Captian is bonded to a Hippocampus."

"Fascinating!" Ranito remarked, pulling out his notebook.

But Oswall couldn't keep things so civil for long. Turning to Shon he started, "So... You may have noticed but we ran into the firewoman..." he spoke between pursed lips as he tried to light a smoke in the sea wind. Shon nodded. "She was fighting with the Warlocks..." 

"Protecting them," Ebonwing added. Shon didn't respond but Ryuuko chittered at them both. 

"She came with us to the city though... made a path." Alena tried to remind them. 

Ebonwing shrugged, "and she wrote that note. But that doesn't change the fact that she didn't hold back against us." She rubbed her ribs.

Oswall grumbled, "I can't figure out what side she's on. I thought she hated the Warlocks."

"My dear Oswall," Ranito said, swaying with the rocking boat without looking up from his notebook, "What is there to 'figure out'? The Firewyrm has always been on her own side." 

Shon crossed his arms but said nothing. For some reason, Ryuuko hissed at him instead of Ranito and tried to snap at his ear. Shon's hand shot up and grabbed the little dragon's muzzle before it could land the strike. 

The sailors exchanged looks, then shrugs, staying out of it.

They spotted the tower and got to work without further talk of the Warlocks or Firewoman. The tower was built just off the cliff face and half in the water. The sailors brought them alongside and Oswall passed his grapple to Ryuuko who flew it up to the exposed window three stories up. The Rogue climbed up first, Ebonwing perched as a bird on his head, followed by Shon then -slowly- by Alena, while Ranito levitated just behind her.

The room they entered took up the entire floor and was full of bookshelves. Empty bookshelves. Oswall cursed, kicking them in frustration while Ebonwing flew up the spiral stairs and back again. Alena caught her breath from the climb and whispered a prayer while Ranito sighed as he stepped lightly in behind her, "Of course. They probably cleared it out before the storm." 

"We've got nothing!" Oswall raged, "Almost a year. An entire damn year. We finally find them, and now," he kicked the shelf again, "Nothing. We're exactly where we were eight months ago!"

"No." All heads swiveled towards Shon. His back was to them as he bent to pick up something the rest had missed. Near the shelf closest to the window.

Ryuuko landed on one shoulder and Ebonwing attempted to land on his other, but Shon waved her off and Ryuuko snapped at her. The Druid winged away and changed back into a woman, crossing her arms with a huff, "What is it?" she asked impatiently.

Shon turned without answering, holding a satchel open to show two large books. Ryuuko whistled proudly as if it had been the one to find them. 

Oswall and Ranito moved for Shon in unison. The big man held the satchel out at arm's length and Os snatched it from him while Ranito's boney hands dove inside, grabbing one of the books. The Mage flipped through the pages of his stolen tome and Ebonwing crowded in behind Oswall to try and read the second over his shoulder.

"Damn." Ebonwing and Oswall cursed in unison.

"I can't read it, it's not in common or Gashi" Os explained.

"Or Shuthali. I think it's draconic," Ebonwing added.

"This one's in common..." Ranito muttered.

"Did they forget them?" Alena asked, sidling up next to Ranito slowly. He was absorbed in his reading but as Alena tried to read over his shoulder she found the words nearly as confusing as if they had been in draconic. Something about 'chromosomes' and 'varying folds of elemental protein'... whatever those were. 

"No," Shon repeated. Everyone but Ranito looked up at him again. He held a crumpled note out to them. Alena took it slowly, holding it so the others could read too. 

The same messy scrawl from the warning read: 'I don't get it but your Mage might be able to. If not, give it to Tuth. The Warlocks are trying to save the world and this is what information I could get so far. Don't say I never gave you anything.' followed by the same drawing of a six-petaled flower. 

Oswall laughed out loud, "She's a damn double agent!" He fell back to lean on a shelf and shake his head, "Horsa's holy flails, she's got balls. We've got to tell Tris. The Guild." 

Ebonwing smiled, "Maybe they'll cancel our second mission. Yua always said we shouldn't try to..."

But Ranito was shaking his head, "They know." he muttered, flipping the pages of the book. 

"What do you mean, old man?" Oswall asked.

"Ranito?" Alena enquired more kindly. She glanced at Shon but he was looking out the window at the ocean. His back to them again. 

Ranito snapped the book shut and cleared his throat. "They know she infiltrated the Warlocks a year ago. This information will not change their mind." He sighed, reaching for the satchel to replace the books, and continuing, "At this point, we should just hope that they don't lump her in with them after yesterday. And don't assume that was the best she could do. If we're forced to make her our primary objective there will be far more collateral damage." 

"But she helped us too! She warned the city, helped with the fire, and got us this information." Ebonwing tried to argue. Alena nodded in agreement. 

Oswall shook his head and cursed, liting another smoke, "Damn it, the old man's right. She fought us and even blew that fire up in Tristen's face. The Saint Giorgos lot are convinced she's a dragon. There's no way the slayers are going to let her roam around."

Alena saw Shon flinch and he finally turned around, to say, "The law doesn't make exceptions." 

*** 

To the Temple of Saint Giorgos, the law was sacred. It allowed for the smooth and safe running of human society and was the only thing that truly separated them from the beasts and barbarians. Sir Tristen sat at his desk in their manor office and pinched the bridge of his nose in an effort to ease the headache that hadn't faded over the last forty-eight hours of paperwork and arguments. 

He'd allowed himself a quick nap before starting the paperwork, and a second before his appointment with the king and council to make his report and file his petitions. But, even with the magical assistance of his god, that wasn't nearly enough. He would need to get some real sleep. After speaking with his team...

In the atrium, the front door swung open with a bang like one of Oswall's damn illegal explosives and Tristen smothered a curse as he flinched. He wasn't sure if it was the distance or the lack of sleep that made the team's conversation incomprehensible but he stood anyway and exited the office to clear his throat in a failed attempt to silence them.

Oswall was arguing with Ebonwing while Alena attempted to mediate. Ranito continued walking towards the stairs, his nose in a new book and ignoring them all. Shon snapped to attention at the sight of his commander and Ryuuko let out a piercing whistle that made Tristen flinch again but also gained the other's attention. 

"Damn, Tris," Ebonwing exclaimed much louder than necessary, "Did they rake you over a literal bed of coals or what?" 

"One of many, many reasons," Oswall muttered gesturing at Tristen, "Why I'm glad not to be an officer. So what's the damage?" 

Tristen tried to answer but Ebonwing spoke over him, "Can it wait until we get a shower at least, Tris?" 

"Eb..." Alena whispered nervously to try and silence her.

"I second that." Oswall declared, stepping for the stairs as Ranito made to continue up them.

"Hey! Ladies first!" Ebonwing called, running forward to pull the Rogue to a stop.

"Uh guys," Alena tried again, "This might be important..."

Shon sighed, meeting Tristen's eyes and nodding, he barked, "Fall in." His deep voice was loud enough to carry without needing to shout and got everyone's attention for a second time. 

"Thank you, Master Sergeant," Tristen said to him, then cleared his throat to address them all. "I made my report to the council and they determined that we are not at fault for the escape of the Warlocks and Fire...woman, or the destruction of the town. In fact, we are to receive commendations at this year's Winter Solstice ball-" 

"Have fun with that, Tris." Ebonwing waved a hand at him, "I promised Yua I would go to Shutha this year." 

"They want all of us to attend..." Tristen tried.

But even Alena was shaking her head, "I always observe the coming of the sun at the Church." 

"You can't pay me enough to go to one of those swanky balls outside a mission," Oswall added. 

Tristen found his voice, his gaze turning steely as he stated, "You don't have a choice, Staff Sergeant. Neither does the Master Sergeant." Ryuuko let out a squawk of surprise and Shon arched an eyebrow at Tristen. The Paladin shook his head, "I managed to talk your punishments down to a fine and attendance..."

"Punishment!" Alena shouted, "For what?" 

Without looking up from his book Ranito mumbled the answer for him, "The illegal use of Sorcerer magic and unauthorized explosives, most likely..." 

Oswall choked and Ebonwing scoffed, "They saved the city with those!" 

"There has to be something you can do Tristen." Alena pleaded with him. 

Shon shook his head and spoke before the Paladin could answer, "The law doesn't make acceptions."

"But-" Alena started. 

Tristen interrupted, "The law is sacred, Vicar Alena." He stopped to look at all of them in turn then sighed and pinched his nose, "But it can be changed. I couldn't do anything more than argue this down to a minimal punishment based on the circumstances. But I've spent the last two days filing for an addendum to the law. In all future circumstances, so long as they are both working under the king, both Shon and Oswall will be permitted to use any and all tools at their disposal without consequence. As their commanding officer, I have the power to revoke this at any time should they misuse the privilege."

Oswall looked stunned and Alena relieved. Ebonwing grinned, "Wow, Tris, that's awesome." Ranito didn't look up and Shon scowled. 

Tristen noticed, "I have no intention of asking you to use your magic, Master Sergeant, but this means you can exit the effects of your sealing item without consequences in future."

"That's all well and good Tris but we still have to go to this ball?" Oswall asked. When Tristen nodded in answer he groaned loudly, "Damn it... My tailor's gunna have my hide for the short notice..." 

Shon huffed and Ebonwing snickered, "You could always wear your uniform." 

"Are you fucking kidding? Then she'll have my balls for dinner!"

"The ball aside," Tristen interrupted, "We are to start our research and scans of towers again afterward. Archmage Ranito has been given leave to research the documents left by the firewoman, so we will need to pick up his portion of the work and compile a priority list of towers to investigate."

"So everything is back to normal..." Alena whispered. Ebonwing and Oswall sighed in unified frustration.

Shon cleared his throat, meeting Tristen's eyes again before he asked, "Lily?" 

Ranito finally looked up from his book.

Tristen shook his head, "The council has taken note of both her interference and assistance and have determined that her status hasn't changed either. She is to be brought in, with as little collateral damage as possible, as soon as possible. However, her working so clearly with the Warlocks, in both this instance and in whatever she did to retrieve the information she's passed to us, has them concerned..."

"She's a double agent Tris," Oswall pointed out, "That type of job requires some breaking of minor laws in order to..." 

"She isn't authorized as a double agent, Staff Sergeant." Tristen interrupted him. At Shon's scowl, he continued, "I managed to talk them into considering her an informant. It offers some protection but we do still need to bring her in. Prince Corwin in particular was insistent and he has the king's ear. If anything, her display of power and willingness to work with the enemy merely cemented her future in the Guild."

"So everything is back to normal." Ebonwing shrugged, then grinned at Oswall, "After the ball anyway. I'm sure Yua will forgive me for missing this year if it's to see you all dolled up." 

"Fuck you, Eb." Oswall grumbled, reaching for his smokes and heading for the door back outside.

Alena looked around the atrium and finally landed on Shon before she muttered, "I suppose we should all go... to show solidarity..." 

Ranito huffed, but rolled his eyes, "Fine." before starting up the stairs to his room.

Tristen watched them all split up, then focused on Shon, asking, "Master Sergeant?"

Shon sighed, running his hand over his hair, "I follow orders, Sir." He reminded Tristen but then added, "If there's nothing more?"

Tristen shook his head with another sigh, "No Master Sergeant. Dismissed." 

Shon saluted and followed Ebonwing and Ranito up the stairs, Ryuuko whistling from his shoulder.

***

At his desk, Shon buried his face in his hands. Ryuuko tried to force its head between his fingers but he just groaned, leaning back in his chair and letting his hands fall to stare at the ceiling.

Nothing had changed. Lily had fought his team and helped the first Warlocks they'd managed to find in a year. She'd warned the city to evacuate and even came in person to assist. An entire city was destroyed. And yet nothing had changed.

Shon leaned forward again, reaching for his journal like a mindless automaton to draw as he always did.  Ebonwing and Alena's distressed faces at the feel of wrongness in the air; the Horsa General and Archmage of the Guild about ready to pop veins in their heads at Tristen taking charge; the Temple soldiers running door to door and the line of future refugees; the mountain exploding...

Run... Did that damn voice actually expect Shon to run and save himself? Was that the kind of person the man in white thought Shon was?

Shon loosened his grip on his pencil to avoid making the lines darker than necessary. He had run. He drew the view of the lava striking his wall of ice from the sky as Ryuuko had sent it to him. And his team sprinting for the west gate. And Lily... Lily gathering the heat from the lava so they would have a path. Lily firing the energy into the sky, unable to hold it in her body. Lily's face as she gripped his cheeks and tried to tell him to let the magic go... Her determined nod before running to help Oswall and Ebonwing. Her straining muscles as she struggled to lift the heavy beam and save the children. Her terror as she pulled away from his touch...

Shon dropped his pencil and buried his face again. He knew she'd just been surprised. That she hadn't pulled away from him. But knowing it did very little to help. She'd been afraid. His brave, strong, stubborn Lily, had been afraid at a perceived stranger's touch. He'd only seen her that terrified after a nightmare. A nightmare of Warlocks. 

"I'm sorry..." he whispered into his hands. "Gods my love... I'm so sorry..." While he wasted time investigating abandoned towers she was in the belly of the beast. Working with her worst nightmares to try and save a world that would lock her in a gilded cage because of what she was. She probably lived on the edge of panic. And he wasn't there to support her...

The dark thoughts started to spiral and Ryuuko whistled, trying once more to nuzzle into his face. Shon took a deep breath and smothered the emotions behind another layer of ice. There was nothing else he could do.