Her Right Mind by Navior | World Anvil Manuscripts | World Anvil

Chapter 29: Prayer and Meditation

1042 0 0

The necklace’s numerous purple beads glinted in the light of the chandelier overhead. Akna slid the necklace across the dining table, where Anita snatched it up. She ran it through her fingers, then held it close to her eyes. “Amethyst. Very pretty.” She held it to her neck, adjusted it so it hung just above the hem of her dress over the curve of her chest. “What do you think?”

Akna contemplated it for a moment, admiring Anita’s shape more than the necklace. “I think it would look very good on you.”

Anita raised her eyebrows a little and gave a slight smile. “Are you giving it to me?”

Akna flinched. “It’s not mine! It’s Felitïa’s. You know that.” She reached across the table.

Anita lowered the necklace and laughed. “I know. I’m kidding. I wouldn’t be able to wear it unless somebody had died anyway. You’re so paranoid.” She passed the necklace back to Akna.

Akna dropped her hand to the table, only barely clutching the necklace, and lowered her head. “Sorry. I’m constantly paranoid these days. I’m either worried about hallucinating things or your brother trying to kill me. Or both.”

Anita waved her hand. “Don’t worry about Danel. He’s all talk. He won’t actually do anything. You’re safe.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about. He can’t harm me. I’m worried I’ll kill him if he tries. That would probably get me in trouble.”

Anita made a mock gasp, and put her hand to her face. “You’re terrible.”

“I know.” Akna grinned. “Would you still like me if I killed your brother?”

Anita’s eyebrows scrunched. “That has to be the strangest question anyone has ever asked me. I should probably be offended, but somehow I’m not. Don’t get me wrong. I’d be upset if he died, and I’d prefer you didn’t kill him, but I have to admit…” She glanced to either side of her, then leaned in closer to Akna. “He’s a total ass.” She blushed at her language, and her face dimpled in that cute way it did whenever she got embarrassed—which seemed to happen a lot when Akna was around. “The truth is, I don’t particularly like my brother, but you know that. But please don’t kill him.”

Akna smiled at her. “Don’t worry. If he’s stupid enough to attack me, I’ll just hurt him a little, just enough to make him squeal like he did last time.”

Anita put a hand to her face and giggled. “I wish I’d been there for that.”

I’ll try to arrange things so you’re there next time.”

They stared at each other for a moment, then broke into laughter.

Anita pointed to the necklace. “Tell me more about this necklace. You were so eager to show it to me. You said Lord Padara gave it to Felitïa. What are you doing with it?”

Leaning back in her chair, Akna threaded the necklace of prayer beads through her fingers, trying to get the amethysts to sparkle in the light. “Felitïa wasn’t sure she could fully trust Lord Padara. She was probably just being paranoid. Bit like me. Anyway, she asked me to store it away with our other things in the hold of the ship we took upriver. When I got there, I had this idea I could figure out if there was a problem with them. If they were meant to hurt Felitïa, they would hurt me instead. So I took them. Just temporarily. It wasn’t stealing or anything.”

“You’d put yourself in harm’s way for Felitïa like that?”

The larger amethyst at the centre of the necklace briefly glittered. Akna tried to position it so it would do it again, but it didn’t work. “That’s what I do. I spent my whole life training to protect Queen Nin-Xoco. Now she’s dead, I guess I just need someone else to protect, so I protect Felitïa.”

“You complain about her so much.”

“Guess I do. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think she deserves protection.”

“I thought she was supposed to be protecting you.”

Akna looked up at her and smiled. “Yes, well, that’s what Ses-Izel wanted, but I don’t accept Ses-Izel’s authority.” She placed the necklace on the table again. “Let’s just say Felitïa and I protect each other and leave it at that.”

“Fair. It’s obvious the two of you care about each other even if you don’t like to admit it.” Anita reached across the table and picked up the necklace again. “Hasn’t she noticed this is missing?”

Akna shrugged. “I think she’s forgotten about it. I did for a while. We’ve been so busy. She has, at any rate. She keeps me busy doing her chores while she does...well, other ones, I guess.”

Anita giggled. “Why show me them now?”

“Just thought you might like to see them.”

Anita leaned forward, looking at Akna with raised eyebrows.

“Plus, I’ve been thinking about them recently, so yesterday…”

Anita continued to stare expectantly at her.

Akna looked to the side. “I might have been a little bad.”

“Oh?”

“Felitïa and I were at the Hall of Knowledge. We were supposed to be looking for...gods, I’m not even sure I remember exactly. We’re always looking for these really specific magical topics that Agernon sends us for. I don’t understand most of them. I just skim books looking for specific words—they change all the time—and if I find them, I hand the book to Felitïa. It’s boring. I fight exhaustion the whole time. Anyway, I came across a book about these prayer bead things.” She reached across the table for the necklace, but made certain she was slow enough for Anita to pull it away.

“These specific ones?” Anita smiled.

“No, of course not. Just prayer beads in general.” They both laughed. “Like I said, I’ve been thinking about them recently, so I started reading. Felitïa was too caught up in whatever she was reading to notice I spent most of the day checking just one book.”

“Did you learn anything?”

“A lot of history. But also different ways to use them.”

Anita’s eyes widened and she grinned.

“Ones made with amethyst are supposed to help calm the mind, help you relax.”

Anita held the necklace against her chest again. “That sounds delightful. I could use some peace of mind. Want to teach me how to do it?”

Akna scowled playfully at her. “I was thinking of it for myself, actually. I’m the one with the sleeping issues, remember?”

Anita shrugged. “I suppose we could take turns.” She tried to keep a straight face, but her dimples were forming again. Then she laughed and Akna laughed with her. Once they’d calmed themselves, she said, “Can I watch at least?”

Akna smiled. “I wouldn’t have brought it up otherwise. Besides, I want to know if anything...happens.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know exactly, but the book says that some people have reported seeing the beads glow or float on their own. My eyes will be closed, so…”

“Basically, you’re saying I get to watch you sleep just in case your necklace starts to glow. Sounds exciting.”

Akna lowered her gaze. “I know it’s not the most exciting thing in the world, but…”

“No, that’s okay. I can honestly think of worse things than watching you.”

Akna peered up at her. She had turned her face to the side, her dimples in full form, face reddening. Akna kept her head lowered and smiled.

After a few moments of silence, Anita said, “Where should we do this?”

Akna looked about. The dining room had enough space, but was not her first choice. “Somewhere a little more private. Your family thinks I’m enough of a barbarian already. Imagine what they’ll think if they walk in on me in the middle of a meditation ritual. I just need somewhere with floor space.”

“We’ll go to my apartments,” Anita said. “I’ve got loads of space.” She jumped to her feet and hurried around the table. She held out her hand, but as Akna went to take it, she pulled it back.

“Is there a problem?” Akna asked.

“Do you mind if we try something first?”

Akna shrugged. “I only have an hour or so before I’m supposed to meet Felitïa.”

“Oh, don’t worry. This will only take a minute. I want to see something.”

Akna nodded. “Okay.”

“Just sit still and straight.”

Akna straightened up.

Anita undid the clasp on the necklace and came up behind Akna’s chair. “I just want to see what this looks like on you. It would be the perfect thing for you to wear if you kill my brother.”

Akna chuckled.

Anita put the necklace around Akna’s neck, letting the tassel fall against Akna’s chest. Her fingers lingered on Akna’s neck, just lightly touching. A shiver ran through Akna. Then Anita closed the necklace’s clasp, but her fingers lingered again, this time on Akna’s back.

Anita circled round to Akna’s side, her fingers lightly running across Akna’s back. “Obviously, we’d know better if we compared them with your dress, but it will give us an idea. Maybe I’ll have a similar necklace made to match colours better.”

Akna groaned. “About the dress.” She had spent hours a few days ago being fitted for a dress Anita had commissioned for her. Gods, Foliths were picky about the measurements of their clothing.

“What about it?”

“It’s just, I was thinking. I could—”

“You promised!” Anita removed her hand from Akna’s shoulder, and Akna immediately regretted saying anything.

“I know, I know. It’s just, I can make sure my uniform is fresh and I promise to decorate it appropriately. I’ve got this great idea for a feathered headdress and…”

Anita stepped away. “You promised. It’s just the one time. Please?”

Akna sighed, but nodded. “You’re right. Okay. I’ll wear the dress.” She peered down at the necklace. “How’s it look?”

Anita smiled. “It looks good.” She held out her hand. “Let’s go see if it works.”

Akna took Anita’s hand and rose from her chair. They stood close to one another for a moment. Then Anita led her to the doors and through the halls and rooms of the palace.

As luck would have it, they couldn’t get all the way to Anita’s room without running into Danel Belone. He was coming out of the library as they approached it to pass through. It had been a few days since Akna had last run into him, but nonetheless, it felt like she couldn’t go anywhere in the palace without encountering him. She certainly ran into him more often than she did anyone else in his family other than Anita—but she and Anita actively sought each other out.

His eyes narrowed and he scowled. “Anita.”

Anita stopped in front of him and curtsied. “Brother. You’re well?”

His eyes turned to Akna for a moment, then back to his sister. “Always. You?”

“Very well, thank you.” Anita’s words were clipped. “How’s Father?”

“The same. His illness is still not showing any sign of improving.”

Anita frowned and lowered her gaze. “I am getting worried, to be honest.”

“Nonsense,” Danel said. “He’ll recover. He just needs time.” He put a hand on her shoulder and actually seemed to look at her lovingly. Akna had seen so many disgusted looks from him, she’d grown to think he wasn’t capable of any other expressions.

“I’m sure you’re right,” Anita said.

Danel glanced at Akna again, and his usual scowl returned. He motioned his sister aside. “Anita, a word if you don’t mind.”

Anita rolled her eyes, but moved aside with him. They didn’t move very far, and Danel hissed more than whispered, so it was easy for Akna to hear what they said.

“Why do you continue to associate with that savage?”

I’ll associate with whoever I want, Danel, and I’d appreciate if you’d stop using that word. She is anything but a savage.”

Danel glanced at Akna again, then returned his gaze to his sister. “Regardless, she is a servant at best, an Eloorin, far below your station.”

“Her Highness Princess Felitïa has made it clear that Nin-Akna is not a servant. She is royalty where she comes from and should be treated appropriately.”

Danel scoffed. “Of an illegitimate nation.”

“Give it up, Danel. Arnor has no control over Ninifin, and you know it. Now go do whatever it is you spend your time doing, and leave me and Nin-Akna alone.”

The two of them stared at each other for several moments, Danel’s scowl growing larger every second. Finally, he broke away. “Fine.” He stomped past his sister and made a point of bumping Akna along the way.

It would have been so easy to trip him or shove him against the wall again. She could have made him squeal again, like Anita had expressed an interest in seeing. It would have felt good. But she didn’t want to spoil Anita’s moment of victory over him. So Akna let him pass without response.

“Sorry about that,” Anita said, coming back beside her. “Like I said, he’s an ass.” She didn’t blush at her language this time.

Akna smiled. “That’s an understatement.” She took Anita’s hand. “Call me Akna, okay?”

A grin spread across Anita’s face. “Isn’t that something reserved only for specific people?”

“It’s a privilege given to family, friends…” She paused. “Lovers.”

“Then I give you permission to call me Anita instead of Lady Belone.”

Akna looked away from her. “I already do that.” Was she supposed to have had permission? She didn’t think Arnorin custom was like that.

Anita laughed. “I know. I just thought I’d make it formal. Come on, you have some meditating to do, and only a little time to do it in.”

They reached Anita’s apartments without further incident. Anita gave the guard on the doors clear instructions not to disturb them and closed the doors.

This was the first time Akna had ever seen inside an Arnorin noble’s personal living space. It was huge. She knew the palace was big, and she’d seen many of the large rooms in it, but somehow she had expected personal quarters to be...not small, she supposed, but not so big. Something bigger than the guest room she was staying in, but not much. This room was six or more of Akna’s rooms put together.

Only then did she realise this was just the sitting area. There was no bed or wardrobe. Anita’s use of the term apartments was plural for a reason. This was only one of several rooms. Multiple doors led from it to other areas.

Anita strode past Akna towards a fireplace with a blazing fire. A servant came over to her and curtsied. “Please give us privacy.”

The servant curtsied again and went through one of the other doors.

Anita turned to face Akna. “You can come in farther, you know.”

Akna took a couple more steps into the room. “It’s so big.”

“I suppose it is. You should see my father’s apartments.” She gestured to a large, thick rug on the floor in front of the fireplace. “You said you needed floor space.”

With a nod, Akna walked over to her.

“I figure the rug will be warmer than bare floor,” Anita said. “Though if you need bare floor, we can move over there.” She gestured to the other side of the room, where several chairs and couches were arranged. “We can move things out of the way if you need.”

Akna shrugged. “This should be fine.” She sat on the rug and crossed her legs. With the fire burning nearby, it was warm like Anita had suggested, and much more comfortable than most other places in the palace. “I don’t really know a lot about meditating. The priests in Ninifin encourage meditation, but I never really took to it. All I know is what I read yesterday recommended a floor instead of a chair. But the rug is nice.”

“Good.” Anita smiled broadly, and tried to sit in front of Akna. Her smile soon turned to a look of strain as her skirts got in the way and she nearly fell over.

Akna stifled a laugh. “Do you need any help?”

“No, I’m fine.” Anita continued to struggle for several seconds. At last, she managed to lower herself to the floor and sit, her skirts splayed out around her. “They’re not really made for anything more than sitting in a chair or squatting. Sitting on the floor is very...undignified for a lady.”

Akna couldn’t contain her laughter any longer.

Anita’s cheeks dimpled and reddened. “Be nice.”

It took Akna a moment to get her laughter under control. “You want me to wear one of those?”

“I’m just not accustomed to siting on the floor.” Anita patted her skirts, trying to flatten them down. “Honestly, I don’t know how you go around in such a short skirt. And just the one. Don’t your legs freeze?”

“No.” That was a lie. Her legs got cold a lot in this place.

“Really? How remarkable. Still, you realise your bare legs are what scandalise most of my family, don’t you?”

Akna shrugged. “I need the mobility. I’d never be able to fight in one of those things.”

Anita blinked. “That would be because you’re not actually supposed to fight in them.”

“You never know when you might need to fight. They can happen without warning.”

“They never happen to me.” Anita broke into laughter. “I have the strangest conversations with you, Akna.” She paused. “Akna. I like calling you that.”

Akna smiled.

“Should we get started?” Anita asked.

Akna nodded and removed the necklace. She held it in her hand, separated the larger bead at the centre from the one beside it, and took a deep breath.

Anita patted down more of her skirts. “What are you doing with the necklace?”

“Counting.”

Anita gave her a blank look.

“Something like that. The idea is I’m supposed to say a bunch of mantras as part of my meditation and I use the beads to count them. Something like that. Now that I sit down to do it, I’m forgetting half of what I read.”

“Just take your time. I’m sure it will come back to you.”

Akna sighed and closed her eyes, did her best to ignore the image of Chica. “I suppose I’ll start with some prayers to Ninussa. I think I remember a couple the priests taught us in the Youth Guard.”

“Ninussa?”

“Queen of the gods.”

Anita giggled. “Nonsense. All-Father is king of the gods. There’s no Ninussa.”

Akna opened her eyes. “Your religion isn’t the only one, you know?”

Anita gave her another blank look. “I don’t understand.”

“Different places have different beliefs.”

“How is that possible? The gods are the gods. They’re not going to change because the place is different. The gods are everywhere and all powerful.”

Akna shook her head. “Never mind.” She held back the desire to admonish Anita, remembering how much she had thought she’d known about the world when she first left Ninifin and how wrong she’d been about most of it. It was kind of endearing to see the same naïveté in someone else.

“You are ever so strange, Akna.”

“Perhaps.” She closed her eyes again. “Now, just watch to see if anything happens.”

“Should I say anything if it does or wait?”

Akna though for a moment. “Wait. Saying something might ruin the effect, and you might miss some of it.”

“All right then.”

Akna took a deep breath, then began to recite a prayer to Ninussa in her head. It had been the first one she’d learnt upon joining the Youth Guard, and was short and simple.

Grant me strength, Ninussa,

Strength of body and mind,

Grant me strength to protect the Queen

And those under my charge.

Grant me strength.

She slid the first small bead over to touch the larger bead.

It didn’t take long to go through all the prayers she knew, and there were still dozens of beads left on the necklace. So she went back to the first and repeated them all. Staying focused and concentrated was a lot harder than Felitïa made it look. Felitïa meditated every day and made it look like a breeze—except, of course, when the Staff was bothering her, but that was different. Felitïa managed to ignore all the other distractions that Akna found she just couldn’t. The crackle of the fire. Anita shifting positions and patting her skirts down. Anita lightly clearing her throat. The warmth of the fire against Akna’s skin. The tickling of the hairs of the rug on her legs. All the kinds of things she had been trained to pay attention to, so she could be alert to dangers. How was she supposed to ignore them now?

“You never did pay much attention, did you?” Inhuan said.

As always, images of her dead friends flashed through her head while she kept her eyes closed. Though they didn’t usually speak to her. Presumably, it was a product of her distracted mind distracting herself even more, her sleep deprivation getting to her even more. Or it was something like with Chica.

Inhuan lay on the ground, her body pierced by spears. “The point isn’t to ignore them. The point is to let them all in. Experience everything.”

As Akna thought about it, that was what she’d been taught years ago. It was nice of the images to give her advice and remind her of that—nice of her own mind, she supposed.

Chica walked up to her. For a change, her face didn’t explode. Instead, she looked at Akna with sad eyes. Akna couldn’t say exactly where they were. She was still sitting on the fur rug. She could feel it. Yet Chica had walked up to her and their heads were...not level, but at exactly the difference they were always at when standing due to Akna’s three extra inches of height.

“You haven’t tried to find me. Why?”

“Find you?”

“I asked you to find me. Remember?”

She remembered. She still didn’t fully understand it, but it had to have been her mind playing tricks on her.

“Stop using that as an excuse!” Chica snapped. “Just because you’re tired doesn’t mean you’ll hallucinate like that. You saw me, remember?”

Akna blinked several times—except she never opened her eyes. “But that...I mean… That was Felitïa. She said—”

“Felitïa has no idea what she’s talking about. Stop listening to her. Look what happened to me as a result.” The spear burst through her face, spraying blood, bone, and viscera over Akna.

Akna stumbled back several steps, still seated and motionless. “But that’s the point! You died! How can I find you when you’re dead? Where are you?”

“I’m right here, Akna.” Her face had gone back to normal. “In front of you. Can’t you see me?”

Akna merely nodded.

“So what are you going to do?”

“I...I’m not sure.”

Chica was several feet away from her now and getting farther away, though neither of them was moving. “Oh wake up, Akna! Stop putting so much trust in Felitïa and start thinking for yourself!”

Akna’s lips quivered. “I...I will.”

“Then what are you going to do?”

“Find you and go to you.”

Chica smiled. That wonderful, dimpled smile of hers. “Then come to me.”

Akna ran towards her, threw her arms around her. “I’ve missed you, Chica.” She grabbed the back of Chica’s head and kissed her, pulled her in tight, drew in the scent of her.

Hands pushed at her arms. Their lips parted. “Akna, what are you doing?” The hands pushed them apart. “Akna!”

She opened her eyes. The hands were Anita’s, and Akna was trying to pull her back closer. Oh gods! What was she doing? She crawled back several paces. “I’m sorry. I didn’t...that is…”

Anita stared wide-eyed. “It’s not that I don’t want to...or that I’m not interested. Just...you could give me warning. Do you always kiss so...so violently?”

Akna looked away, shaking. The prayer beads dropped from her hand and she scrambled to her feet. “Gods, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She ran for the doors, fumbled with the latch.

“Akna! No, don’t go!”

The doors opened finally, and she stumbled into the hall. A startled guard stepped out of the way. She wasn’t sure which was the right way; she just chose one. It didn’t really matter.

“Akna, wait! The necklace!”

Akna ran.

“Wait! Don’t you want to know? It worked! It glowed!”


Support Navior's efforts!

Please Login in order to comment!